The year was 2006. I lived in Grand Terrace, California, which is about 20 minutes north of Riverside. I had been kicked out of college in January and had been living with my Mom and stepdad working at Dominos. I was engaged to a guy. I drank a lot. He did too. More than me. So I ended it. I didn't want to be married to an alcoholic. I moved to Arizona to live with my Dad and she-who-shall-be-called-Skanky. After living there a few weeks, I found a job at a Payless. Not long after that, I wanna say like 2 weeks, my Dad woke me up at 3:30 in the morning with tears running down his face. My Pepa had had a heart attack. We left for Texas as soon as we cleared everything with our jobs and found a sitter for my stepsister Alexis, this was before Cheyenne was born, but not too long before we found out she was on her way. That car ride was stressful, we didn't know what we'd find when we got to Texas. We drove all day and pretty much all night. We arrived at Mema's house around 6 in the morning. After everyone woke up, we headed to the Memorial Hermann in Houston, where Pepa had been transported. We took our turns going back into the ICU to see him. When it was my turn, I walked slowly. I knew what I was about to see, and even though I tried to prepare myself for it, it was still a shock when I turned that corner. I saw my Pepa, the strongest man I had ever known, attached to machines and tubes. His eyes were closed and he wasn't there. It hit me and I sunk to the ground. My Uncle Chris caught me as my knees hit the ground. I cried in his arms, and he knew what I was going through. I couldn't visit my Pepa like this. I turned and let Uncle Chris lead me back to the waiting room. I ran to bathroom and broke down completely. That bathroom in Memorial Hermann received quite the beating that day. I called my Mom and cried to her. This was the first time I was really experiencing death. My Grandpa Mercer had passed away in 1994, I was 8 years old and unfortunately did not know him as well as I did Pepa. So it did not hit me as hard. I guess it was 2 days later when they agreed to turn off Pepa's machines that were keeping him alive. We called a preacher and the family gathered in his hospital room to say our final good-byes. The room was full of tears. I sat on my Pepa's left side, my Uncle Chris on his right, and we held his hands. We were the ones holding his hands when he took his final breath. A few years later during our evacuation from Hurricane Ike, my Uncle Chris and I talked about that day. We were the only ones to experience the heaviness of that moment for what it was. I've always felt guilty for being that person. I feel like there were so many more qualified people to be holding his hand. My Mema for one, or my Dad, my Aunt Margie... but no, it was me. It weighs on me sometimes, but looking back, that is one moment that I'd never take back in a million years. After Pepa passed, something inside of me slipped out of my control. I had always been a good girl. Of course I tried to get in trouble, and I was rebellious to an extent, but I never wanted to disappoint Pepa, so I kept my act straight for the most part. The day of his funeral I remember after it was over a bunch of us decided to go to the creek. Many of my family members are potheads and there were pipes going around. There was also beer. I had drank before, but I had never drank like this. I was drunk and my family was smoking, so I joined in. When it was time to go back to Arizona, I had found out that Payless had fired me. I guess after working there for only 2 weeks, being gone. I decided not to go back to Arizona. I didn't really have anything there now that I didn't have a job. So I stayed in Texas and after that, I loved the party. This all took place in the July/August area and come December, I had taken to my new lifestyle with great ease. I'm not saying that it was a bad life. I had a job and was making a little bit of money, I had a roof over my head. I really couldn't complain. I had some good friends. I was close to my Mema, but I was somewhat on my own. At that point in my life, I was lost. My whole life was a façade. I was in a place of darkness that felt as if it wasn't ever going to go away. I felt weak. I had lost a person who to me was a hero, the strongest man ever, my Superman. He was gone, never to wrap me up in a bear hug again, or to just sit across from me at the table. We, my cousins and I, would wait at the door to wait for him to come home from work. And now, he wasn't ever going to walk through that door again. As you can tell, to say I took his death hard, would be an understatement.
I needed to get away from this. I needed a place that would wash my brain of these thoughts and just start it new. I didn't want to forget Pepa, of course not. But I wanted to forgot the pain of losing him. One cold night I was sitting in my car with the radio up, beer in my lap, joint in my hand, and I was just sitting there, crying. Thinking mostly. Thinking of what I could do to change this, change what I've become. I decided to fall back on a dream of mine in high school. The ultimate form of brainwashing. Once upon a time, I had wanted to be the first female to be an Infantry soldier in The US Marines. Obviously in the physical and mental shape I was in, the Marines was a huge resounding NOOOO! So second best, The United States Army. I knew what I had to do. So I set things in motion. I talked to Mema about my decision. I'd also talked to my cousin Clayton because he was fresh out on a medical discharge. I also went down to the good ol' recruiter's office and had a chat with him. After these 3 conversations, and a couple more, I decided to sign up. I went to MEPS in Houston at the end of January in 2007, on February 13th, I was on a plane-then-a-bus to Fort Jackson, South Carolina....
What was to come.....
Stay Tuned for Part 2 of this one. It's a pretty long story so I decided to split into two sections. This was the sad part. Every story had a sad part... I hope you come back and read the next part, it's much more uplifting and it really gives you the feeling like you get after watching "Rudy". See you soon dears <3
XoXo
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