The Story of My Angel Baby

Hey folks!! I've found myself opening up a little more since I started writing my Shenanigans, and its been great to get so many things off my chest. As you can tell by the title of this post, its another opening-up-some-deep-crap kinda topic. I've never, ever spoken about this to anybody, not even my Hubs and he was there with me the whole time. So pop open a bag of popcorn and you might need some kleenex if you have a sensitive heart like me.

In May 2012, I discovered my periods were missing and my boobs were sore and I had a to go pee a lot. Hearing that those are some of the early symptoms of pregnancy made me both anxious and excited. I took a pregnancy test and on June 2nd, which happens to be Hubs' birthday, we found out that a little Owens was growing. We had discussed having children, and we had kinda decided that whatever happens happens. We weren't trying to get pregnant, but we also weren't trying not to. The idea of being a Mom has always scared and intrigued me. Scared that I would fail at something most women are programmed to do. Intrigued that this little life was in my hands, in my body, and the pull to love it more than anything in life.

After a doctor's appointment to verify that I was indeed in the family way, we told our parents and closest friends, all were very excited. I was about 6 weeks prego when we went to the doctor the first time. They did a ultrasound and could see the little speck inside. Being only 6 weeks, they told us that we wouldnt be able to hear a heartbeat until closer to 8 weeks. Family and friends began pouring their love and support out to us. Momma Mickie sent the Hubs and I books to prepare us. I read "What to Expect When You're Expecting" cover to cover within a week. I took my prenatals like clock work and ate healthier and even took a leave of absence from FishHell because the smell of raw oysters made me sick. Oh yeah, the morning sickness. I didnt think that I was far enough along in my pregnancy to be sick every morning... but just like clockwork, I was throwing up every morning. The doctors didnt seem to be too worried about it so they prescribed me that medicine that helps with nausea. It didnt help.... at all.

Our Speck :)

 



Our 8 week appointment comes. They put me up on the table to do the ultrasound. Hubs went with me for all of the appointments so he was there too. We see our Little Speck on the screen, but when she goes to check for a heartbeat, there is none. We dont hear anything. I kind of knew at that moment that the pregnancy was no longer viable. The doctors of course did another blood test to check hcG levels which came back positive and said that I was indeed pregnant. So we made another appointment to come back at 10 weeks. I broke down in the doctors office. I had that intuition and I knew that my Speck had stopped growing. As soon as I didnt hear the heartbeat, tears escaped and flowed like a river through a broken dam. Our next appointment would confirm what I knew at the last one. There was still no heartbeat. Blood tests then confirmed that I was no longer pregnant. However this little thing was still inside of me. That freaked me out a little, but the doctors assured me it would come out when it was ready. We set up our DNC appointment for July 11, 2012.

On July 10, 2012, I had a miscarriage. The pain I experienced was the worst pain I had ever known. Period cramps had nothing on this. I sat there on the toilet, and felt the exact moment my little speck took its leave. I cried and screamed. I couldnt breathe. The look on Hubs' face as he carried me to our bed and laid me down was just... painful. I felt as if I had let him down. His parents came in to pray over us. I pretended I was sleeping or just too tired to acknowledge them. I didnt want to be around anyone, not even Hubs. I couldnt talk about it. I didnt want to. Not to my Mom, my Dad, no one. I just kept everything I was feeling to myself. The hurt, disappointment, anger, sadness, despair, and even in the littlest, most twisted way... I was relieved. That was the kicker. What got me the most. How the hell could I feel relieved after what had just happened. But I did. Maybe it was because I knew deep down that I wasnt ready for my little speck. Hubs and I werent ready to be parents and God knew that and decided our Speck would be better served up there in heaven with Him.

The next day, we went up to the hospital to have the DNC procedure done. I informed the doctor that I had the miscarriage the night before. He said they'd go ahead and do it to make sure everything came out. Hubs told me after the procedure that the doctor told him there wasn't very much left. I woke up from the procedure feeling sore and wanting nothing more than my husband. Hospitals give me the heebie-jeebies anyhow, but being there for that reason, just freaked me out a little more.

I've always known what I would name my children. Or at least I had an idea of what I would name them. When we found out we were pregnant I automatically started thinking of what name our little speck would bear, because we couldn't call it Speck forever. Since we lost the pregnancy so early there is no way to tell what sex our little speck was, but I feel like I was carrying a daughter. That is something I've never expressed to anyone. I'm pretty sure our speck would have been a girl. And her name... would have been... Meagan Olivia. I think if I have a daughter in the future, I would still use this name. And she would know what a huge impact the name has on her Mommy. Meagan would have been born sometime in early February had I carried her to term. So, on February 2nd, the presumed due date, I went to my sister-in-law's house and held onto my baby nephew. He was born in December. We had found out they were expecting about a month before we found out we were. Meagan would have been 2 months younger than her cousin.

This here is the best Christmas present Garry (my brother in law) ever got... and mine too.. this is me and my nephew Daniel last Christmas

Things like this make me sad to think about. I've dreamed about what her life would have been like had I not miscarried her. I only think of it sometimes because I don't want to be sad all the time. I know the miscarriages are more common than most people think, and my case is nothing special. However, this experience made me grow and is special to me. It was the most painful thing I'd ever experienced, both physically and emotionally. I look up at the stars some nights and think of my Mema and Pepa holding little Meagan as they watch down on me. I imagine they take her to her namesake's (my best friend Meagan whom was killed in a car accident in 2007) cloud and she coos and giggles as they play peek-a-boo. God needed my Meagan in Heaven. I don't know why of course. I can only hope it was to teach me a lesson of some kind, which is normally the case in most trials He hands down. As happy as I would have been to have her here with me and Hubs, I'm just as happy to know that she is there, in the sky, watching us and loving us anyways. She is my Angel Baby, and is always close to my heart.

Thank you for reading guys. My wisdom for this post.... LOVE EVERY SECOND <3

Throwback Thursday: Getting my Cousin into Trouble

Hey hey my southern fried junkies! Sorry for the absence.. I am going through a personal battle right now and haven't really been inspired to write. Today is Thursday, so we'll do a Throwback Thursday story. I'll try not to make it so long since you all have hopefully already endured the length of my last blog.

I'll take you back to some year I don't remember, I think it was 1995... We lived in Maryland and I think it was Lexington Park, but I could be wrong. Yeah, there's a good chance I'm wrong. Anyways, Maryland. 1995. Let's go...

My cousin Clayton and I have always been pretty close, in age and as family. He is 6 months older than me being born in April and I in November. When we were kids we were constantly playing outside because that's what we did back then, we played outside. We played Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers, I was always the Pink ranger, and he was always the White. Of course my brothers played with us too lol, we didn't leave them out. My Mema and Pepa lived in a huge house that had a big balcony off the back. It was a 2-story with a basement. There was a swing set back there and a trees that we used to climb. We really loved that house. We used to shoot down Daddy-Long-Legs under the balcony with our Super Soakers. We all are terrified of spiders but this was an awesome activity. One particular day we were back there shooting down spiders when I remembered I had learned a new word I need to tell Clayton about. I learned how to spell SEX. I then taught Clayton how to spell SEX. He then commenced in writing the word SEX with his Super Soaker on the wall under the balcony. We all laughed for a minute. Then I, being the little shit that I was, ran upstairs and immediately told on him. I went straight to my Aunt Margie and told her that Clayton wrote a bad word with his water gun. She went down and checked out the evidence. Clayton got in trouble. I laughed and laughed and laughed. Pepa used to have a paddle that had all our names on it and every time we got hit with it, he would put a check or tally mark next to it. If I'm not mistaken, Clayton got a tally mark for that. I didn't get hit with it as frequently as the boys did. I think it's cause I think I was his favorite ;) lol. But anyways, for some reason that is my favorite story of me and Clayton. Oh there are so many more. This guy is my best guy friend that happens to share the same blood line with me. Even though I got him in trouble that, trust me it wasn't the only time I got him in trouble, he is still someone that I know I cant count on when I really need him. He's proven that to me on more than one occasion. My life would be a lot more boring without my cousin Clayton, even if we don't see each other often. He's always a call away, and his is a voice in my head all the time. I leave you with a photo of Clay and I from 2009, I cant find the ones from when we were younger, they are most likely at my Dad's house. So we were much older and much drunker than in the story I just told you... but eh...

oh and HEY CLAY (if you're reading this) we definitely need to go dancing, I need my 2-steppin partner!!!

I leave you, as always, telling you to make sure you tell them you love them and I, your humble blogger, love you <3

Peace bitches!!!!

A Series of Unfortunate-then-Inspiring Events, Part 2

I'M SO SORRY!!! I had started writing this blog right after I finished the last one. However I am a master of procrastination, when you mix that quality and a full time job, I just dont have the time to write that I wish I had. So I'd like to say that I appriciate your patience in waiting for this. You wont be disappointed, I hope. so... Thanks for coming back for Part 2!!! Lets get to it....

On February 13, 2007 around 5:30 in the morning, I left Houston with 3 other people on a plane bound for Atlanta, Georgia. I was nervous, but not because of the plane trip. When we got to Atlanta, we werent allowed to leave the airport, and had to check in immediately with the USO. We waited for what seemed like all day, and still had a 5 hour bus ride to South Carolina to go. I could tell the bus driver was former military, because he knew what we were about to embark on. He stopped twice on the trip to let us smokers get our final dose of nicotine before we'd be forced to kick the habit. The last time we stopped I remember smoking 3 cigarettes in the 10 minute break and I gave the rest of my almost full pack to a homeless guy I saw sitting by the bathroom. The last leg of the trip was the most nerve-racking hour, I tried getting some sleep since I had heard the rumors of sleep depravation at Reception. I texted my friends and family and said goodbye, as if I was leaving forever or something. I turned my phone off as we pulled onto the base. When we pulled up to the Reception Battallion, to say I was unprepared for what was coming, yeah that'd be an understatement. This scary looking black lady came onto our bus and started yelling. We hurried off and were ordered to stand next to a wall as the bus driver threw our bags out from under the bus. We were ordered to put our hair up if it wasnt already, tuck in our shirts, stand up straight, and get our bags. There was no putting those bags down once we picked them up. We were ushered inside to a room that had long benches, no tables, just a long counter in the front of the room. We were instructed to sit down, and thus begun this process of reception. This night would be a long one. There was a roll call of sorts where they determined all incoming newbs were all accounted for. She talked a lot, that scary black lady, and at the late hour, I definately didnt catch everything she said. Besides, I figured if it was really important, it would be repeated, because in the Army, they say everything or give you 2 of anything you need to know. We eventually left that initial welcome sight and were lead other places where various things happened. Every inch of our person and property were searched for contraband and disposed of if found. We changed out of our civilian clothes and into the PT sweats. We separated important stuff that was deemed okay to bring with us into the new Army duffels they gave us, and our civilian bags were put in a room and locked. Eventually the night ended and we were able to get some sleep. They showed us to the barracks and showed us where to sleep. Then told us they'd be back in about 3 hours to wake us up. I remember thinking as I drifted to sleep, I hate this... and its only the first night.

The next week is a flurry of excitment and hurrying up to wait. There were doctors appointments, dental appointments, vision appointments, shots to be given, trips to the reception troop store, formations in the middle of the night for no reason, getting our uniforms issued, learning the Soldier's Handbook front to back, being tested on Soldier's Handbook, doing push ups if we failed test on Soldier's Handbook. There was paperwork being done, benficiaries being added, paperwork being finalized, dirty looks given by already-proven-themselves Soldiers, horrible sleep-depravated pictures being taken, a lot of walking around or marching I guess. They were teaching us all this so we'd be more "prepared" when we went "down the road" to our Basic training batallions. All the people that were with me, in my company, at Reception, would be in my company in Basic. I met a few women in Reception, that ended up being with me until the end. I say all the time that I wouldnt have made it to graduation without the help and support of these 2 women that I met on the first real day of reception. When I met them, I had no idea what kind of impact they'd have on my experience. Cindy McKeel, soon be dubbed Keelio... and Kira Holloway would become the strongest support system I would have, and best friends I would have for the rest of my life.

The day came we were shipped down the road to our company and split into our platoons. Keelio and I were in 3rd platoon, and Holloway was put in 2nd. Our drill sergeants were DS Nunez, the mean one; DS Jacobs, the mean and funny one; and DS McIntosh, the super mean and female one. I don't know if you are allowed to have a favorite basic training drill sergeant, but mine is DS Mac. She was a spitfire. She was about 5'nothing, maybe a buck-20 and black. She was fierce but she really helped me through the last few weeks of basic... but we'll get back to that. We all went into what would become our home for the next 9 weeks, our barracks. We sat in a circle and were given the most disgusting thing I've ever eaten, and then they yelled at us for a few hours about rules and stuff. Best part of that day (not) was when we did a bathroom break and I didn't have to go at the time. So like 30 minutes later, I made the humungous mistake asking to use the bathroom. DS McIntosh was the one to come down on me. I'm like 5'9 and she was right in my face. I did push ups for a while, well I TRIED doing push ups for a while. She eventually let me go, except it didn't really matter by that point, I didn't have to go anymore. After more yelling, more push ups, chow, and our forced hydration formation, we were allowed to go to sleep. There were 2 platoons in our barracks, ours and the 4th platoon girls. Our guys bunked with the 4th platoon boys across the parking lot...err, I mean company area. Of course we were bunked in alphabetical order, which was bad ass because somehow, even though H and M are a few letters apart, Keelio and I got to have top bunks right next to each other. I think that pissed some of the other ladies off because when we werent dead tired we'd sit and talk our heads off! In fact, I remember one stuffy old maid getting particularly upset one night because she was trying to sleep during personal time, it wasnt even lights out yet, but she bitched and bitched, not like we cared though.

 

Ok so I'm trying to not write this as day-to-day, but as a whole experience, so I might jump around a lot.

Nine weeks is not a very long time really, when you think about it, it's only 9 weeks, 2 months and a week, its only like 270 days, 6500 hours.... this was the longest 9 weeks of my life. After the initial shock of what was going on, I actually started to have fun. The first 3 weeks, Red phase, was the hardest. Just getting into the routine of waking up at 4am or earlier was a feat for someone who was used to sleeping until 4pm. PT was hard and the runs were way harder, but even though I was always the one to fall out, I really think it helped more. If you fell out of running formation, DS Nunez would take us, the weak ones, and he'd make us work harder. We'd sprint back and forth our company area until everyone else got back. I cant tell you how many times I had to do this, but I think I benefitted more from that than I did distance running, I'm not a runner. I am, however, a GREAT shot! When we started qualifying with our M16A2 rifles, I proved that shooting wasnt just for men. I was the only female in my company, Foxtrot 1/34, to qualify as Expert on qualifying day. There were 3 males that shot better than me, but for someone who had hardly shot a gun before, I think I did damn good! The obstacle courses were a challenge for me. I used to be scared of heights, well not heights, thats ridiculous, but the fear of falling from height, not so ridiculous. There was one obstacle that I had the hardest time with. Jacob's ladder. I'm sure you know what Jacob's ladder is, but I will enlighten those who dont. It's a ladder, a really tall ladder, the rungs are evenly spaced at the bottom but once you get about half way up, the rungs get farther and farther apart so that you really have to reach and work to get up them. I got to about the 4th rung from the top when DS Nunez started shaking the ladder. Dudebag. This scared the living shit out of me and I froze. After being taunted and nearly wetting myself,  I made my way up and over the top and back down the other side. It was huge accomlishment for me, but by far not the biggest one of the story.

The next 3 weeks, White phase, was more fun. Except that is wasnt. Our platoon didnt get 'smoked' very often during red phase, so I guess DS Nunez decided that wasnt ok. I dont even remember what we did to deserve it, if anything, but we got to go to the Beach. Haha, no not a fun-in-the-sun bathing suit sunscreen beach. The beach was a volleyball court, all sand, about 50 yards long. We were fully suited up, I think just getting back from a road march, when DS Nunez took us to the Beach. We low-crawled all the way across that thing, then high-crawled all the way back. The first trip across was much easier than the way back. This was the first time I cried in front of everyone in the platoon. I tried not to, but I couldnt help it. And I got yelled at more for it. After that though, I refused to let another drill sergeant get the best of me. I acted better, I paid more attention to detail and what I was doing. And another drill sergeant did not get the best of me. My peers however, that was a different story.

Blue phase is the final 2 weeks of Basic followed by Victory week, which is the week of family day and graduation and getting processed to move on to your next hell. We did all of our 'exit exams' during this time. We had a final field operation where we went on a 8 or 9 mile road march, followed by a few days of camping, more marching, participating in mock battles and gun fights, we guarded our FOB or field operating base, and I thought that it was really fun lol. This chick in my company, she was a restart, meaning she got sent to our company from another company because she couldnt graduate with them. My battle buddy was always Keelio, it didnt matter what we were doing, she was battle. I went and did everything with her. There was this guy named Horton, and he was awesome! I had no crush on him or anything, he ws just a super awesome friend. Our platoon was guarding the gates to our FOB and me, Keelio, Horton, and I think Coker, but I dont remember were up front having an awesome time. It was freezing but we were making the best of it. All of a sudden, DS Mac comes up and says me and Keelio have to go to the back, the restart chick had told her we were all 'bow chicka bow wow' in the middle of the night where every single person within a 10 mile radius could hear us, it was the middle of the damn night. So we had to go to a spot in the back and leave Horton there because of fraternization rules. I mention this part because it ties into the next part...

My PT test was the absolute hardest part of my whole Army experience. It was the sit ups and push ups, I had that part. What got me was the 2 mile run in less that 17 minutes. As I've said, I'm not a runner. Well, Horton, my very good buddy, totally saved my life on this one. I always credit Keelio and Holloway for getting me through those 9 weeks, and they did and totally deserve the cred... but Horton is the reason I graduated with them. If it wasnt for him, I could've very well been restarted and would've had to endure that mess alll over again without my Keelio, Holloway, and Horton.

The day before our final PT test, we were able to call home for a few minutes. I called my Dad because she-who-shall-be-called-Skanky had just given birth to Cheyenne a few days earlier. He told me that my best childhood friend Meagan had been involved in a car accident, and she didn't make it. I broke apart completely. Here it was a month after it had already happened, and I was finding out about it right before one of the most important tests I'd take that year. As much as I didnt want to, I had to push Meagan's death out of my mind. I would have to mourn her later so I cried on Keelio's shoulder and failed my PT test the next day by 45 seconds. Luckily, they gave us another chance to pass. The following day, I went out with the will to pass!!! I had to, there was no way I was getting stuck behind as my friends moved on. I was running my second or third lap when I heard Horton behind me. He told me "you're doing great just keep that pace don't let up". He stayed by me the whole time, all excruciating 8 laps. He continued to push me and tell me to keep going. I passed DS Jacobs on the last lap, Horton was just a few steps ahead of me, I immediately stopped to hear my time. He looked at me, I stared him down. It was the most horrible 10 seconds of my life, that seemed 10 minutes long. "16.63" was all he said. I beamed! I jumped for joy! I ran into Horton's arms and gave him the biggest hug I could muster! We fell. We immediately got up and walked away from each other like dudes that just hugged for too long. Every DS around us kinda looked at us with skeptical glances, but we were already separated and walking away that they didn't say anything. The next day, I was so proud of myself. In the chow line for breakfast, DS Williams from 4th platoon came up to me. This was our conversation...

DS: Who the hell are you?
Me: Private Hensley Drill Sergeant.
DS: What?? Nah, nah... Hensley is way bigger than you! You ain't Hensley!
Me:(trying not to smile) Ummm... yes it's me Drill Sergeant...

I wasn't sure whether to take it as a compliment at the time, but my Mom answered my doubts on Family Day. The day before family day, DS Nunez had told us not to bring our parents to meet him, he didn't want to pose for pictures, he didn't want to talk to any of them, he just wasn't interested. Of course, my Mom had to find him to ask where I was. I was standing right behind her about 10 feet. She had walked right by me, twice. The fact that she couldn't recognize me told me that DS Williams was serious when he told me I looked like a different person. I had lost a total of 70lbs during that 9 week period. I hadn't stepped on a scale or had the time to really look in the mirror so I hadn't even noticed my transformation. I felt great. We had to stay in post for family day but they had a dinner for us and I was with my Momma so I was having a blast. We hung out with Keelio and her mom and sister all day. It was a lot of fun.

Mom and Me during Family Day

 

DS Jacobs and I on Family Day

 

Keelio and I on Family Day. If you look closely you can see our awesome 'hand tans'.



The following day, April 24, 2007, we graduated from basic training. My Aunt Marie and cousin Michael came in and surprised. I was very happy to see her, my Aunt Marie became a huge inspiration to me during my time in the Army, I just wish I could've stuck with it and made her proud. Anyways, they thought it was going to rain, even thought it didn't, so we didn't get to graduate outside. Instead we had to cram into even tighter quarters and graduate inside. We were standing about 2 inches from everyone on every side... and it. was. HOT! We were all sweating profusely and I'll tell you what, all them boys so close and so sweaty and all their fumes mixing... vomit inducing. It made it better once we were done and we got outside. That day we were allowed to leave the base and explore the city around it, Columbia SC. My group went to the mall, where I bought the smallest pair of jeans I had purchased in years. And even thought we weren't technically allowed to change out of our uniforms, I did for a few hours because I had to wear those jeans! After a day of shopping and swimming at the hotel, we met up with Keelio and her family for dinner. We went to a restaurant and met up with these 2 guys we graduated with, H and A from 4th platoon and 2nd platoon. We all had a really good time and took pictures before we headed back to base for formation.

We graduated with 2 other companies, mine is one pictured that you can actually see

Aunt Marie, my cousin Mikey, and me on Graduation Day

 

H, A, Keelio, and I after dinner on Graduation Day

 

The next day we would be headed off to our AIT destinations. For some that meant hopping a plane, other that meant catching a bus. For me, Keelio, and Holloway - it meant jumping in a van and heading about 5 minutes across Fort Jackson. I wont go into what happened in AIT because its pretty much all unfortunate and sad, and it ended with me coming home with a honorable discharge after 8 months in the military.

Top: Me holding Hernandez from 4th platoon

Bottom: Holloway and Gowen hanging out on our last night at Foxtrot 1/34

 

Keelio, me, and Lovan making crazy faces on our last night in BCT

So I know this was a long story and I'm glad you stuck around to read it all. I hope you enjoy the pictures I've posted.

Side note: I see it as kinda fitting that I finally finished and published this on Memorial day, a day when we need to take time to remember those who have served and made the ultimate sacrifice for the freedoms we have. Freedom is not free, and every day our Soldiers pay the price for us to stay free. It's not only about thanking those who came back, but remembering those who didn't. Happy Memorial Day folks, be thankful a soldier has died for you.

A Series of Unfortunate-then-Inspiring Events, Part 1

I am about reveal a side of me that most of you never knew existed. This is something that I've had a hard time discussing. What happens in this and the next blog, completely changed my life. Please be kind, don't judge because I'd never judge your past.

The year was 2006. I lived in Grand Terrace, California, which is about 20 minutes north of Riverside. I had been kicked out of college in January and had been living with my Mom and stepdad working at Dominos. I was engaged to a guy. I drank a lot. He did too. More than me. So I ended it. I didn't want to be married to an alcoholic. I moved to Arizona to live with my Dad and she-who-shall-be-called-Skanky. After living there a few weeks, I found a job at a Payless. Not long after that, I wanna say like 2 weeks, my Dad woke me up at 3:30 in the morning with tears running down his face. My Pepa had had a heart attack. We left for Texas as soon as we cleared everything with our jobs and found a sitter for my stepsister Alexis, this was before Cheyenne was born, but not too long before we found out she was on her way. That car ride was stressful, we didn't know what we'd find when we got to Texas. We drove all day and pretty much all night. We arrived at Mema's house around 6 in the morning. After everyone woke up, we headed to the Memorial Hermann in Houston, where Pepa had been transported. We took our turns going back into the ICU to see him. When it was my turn, I walked slowly. I knew what I was about to see, and even though I tried to prepare myself for it, it was still a shock when I turned that corner. I saw my Pepa, the strongest man I had ever known, attached to machines and tubes. His eyes were closed and he wasn't there. It hit me and I sunk to the ground. My Uncle Chris caught me as my knees hit the ground. I cried in his arms, and he knew what I was going through. I couldn't visit my Pepa like this. I turned and let Uncle Chris lead me back to the waiting room. I ran to bathroom and broke down completely. That bathroom in Memorial Hermann received quite the beating that day. I called my Mom and cried to her. This was the first time I was really experiencing death. My Grandpa Mercer had passed away in 1994, I was 8 years old and unfortunately did not know him as well as I did Pepa. So it did not hit me as hard. I guess it was 2 days later when they agreed to turn off Pepa's machines that were keeping him alive. We called a preacher and the family gathered in his hospital room to say our final good-byes. The room was full of tears. I sat on my Pepa's left side, my Uncle Chris on his right, and we held his hands. We were the ones holding his hands when he took his final breath. A few years later during our evacuation from Hurricane Ike, my Uncle Chris and I talked about that day. We were the only ones to experience the heaviness of that moment for what it was. I've always felt guilty for being that person. I feel like there were so many more qualified people to be holding his hand. My Mema for one, or my Dad, my Aunt Margie... but no, it was me. It weighs on me sometimes, but looking back, that is one moment that I'd never take back in a million years. After Pepa passed, something inside of me slipped out of my control. I had always been a good girl. Of course I tried to get in trouble, and I was rebellious to an extent, but I never wanted to disappoint Pepa, so I kept my act straight for the most part. The day of his funeral I remember after it was over a bunch of us decided to go to the creek. Many of my family members are potheads and there were pipes going around. There was also beer. I had drank before, but I had never drank like this. I was drunk and my family was smoking, so I joined in. When it was time to go back to Arizona, I had found out that Payless had fired me. I guess after working there for only 2 weeks, being gone. I decided not to go back to Arizona. I didn't really have anything there now that I didn't have a job. So I stayed in Texas and after that, I loved the party. This all took place in the July/August area and come December, I had taken to my new lifestyle with great ease. I'm not saying that it was a bad life. I had a job and was making a little bit of money, I had a roof over my head. I really couldn't complain. I had some good friends. I was close to my Mema, but I was somewhat on my own. At that point in my life, I was lost. My whole life was a façade. I was in a place of darkness that felt as if it wasn't ever going to go away. I felt weak. I had lost a person who to me was a hero, the strongest man ever, my Superman. He was gone, never to wrap me up in a bear hug again, or to just sit across from me at the table. We, my cousins and I, would wait at the door to wait for him to come home from work. And now, he wasn't ever going to walk through that door again. As you can tell, to say I took his death hard, would be an understatement.

I needed to get away from this. I needed a place that would wash my brain of these thoughts and just start it new. I didn't want to forget Pepa, of course not. But I wanted to forgot the pain of losing him. One cold night I was sitting in my car with the radio up, beer in my lap, joint in my hand, and I was just sitting there, crying. Thinking mostly. Thinking of what I could do to change this, change what I've become. I decided to fall back on a dream of mine in high school. The ultimate form of brainwashing. Once upon a time, I had wanted to be the first female to be an Infantry soldier in The US Marines. Obviously in the physical and mental shape I was in, the Marines was a huge resounding NOOOO! So second best, The United States Army. I knew what I had to do. So I set things in motion. I talked to Mema about my decision. I'd also talked to my cousin Clayton because he was fresh out on a medical discharge. I also went down to the good ol' recruiter's office and had a chat with him. After these 3 conversations, and a couple more, I decided to sign up. I went to MEPS in Houston at the end of January in 2007, on February 13th, I was on a plane-then-a-bus to Fort Jackson, South Carolina....

What was to come.....

Stay Tuned for Part 2 of this one. It's a pretty long story so I decided to split into two sections. This was the sad part. Every story had a sad part... I hope you come back and read the next part, it's much more uplifting and it really gives you the feeling like you get after watching "Rudy". See you soon dears <3

XoXo

Qs and As and As and Qs

A couple days ago, I posted a status update on Facebook asking my friends and family to ask me some questions. Yes, I stole this idea from a page that I follow and thought that it was kind of creative. So I jacked it. Because this is the interwebs, and everything is a jacked idea. Even the idea of writing your opinions on a web page is a jacked idea. So I figured it was ok. Well, about 7 of my closest lovelies decided to take time out of their busy lives to ask me a question. Now I shall answer them. But first, THANK YOU to the 7 people that came up with something they'd like to know. You guys rock and I love ya to death! I don't have an order I'm going to answer these in, just random, so read on :)

1. Jose asks me "Why are you so gay? Tell us."
Jose... I'm gay because I was born this way! No really, I'm not actually gay. Well, I guess it really actually depends on which definition of the word GAY you are referring to.  I mean I am happily excited sometimes. And I also induce high spirits when I'm around other people who are equally inducing so I guess you could say I am pretty gay. Thanks for your question :)

2. My Daddy asks me "When am I going to be a Grandpa?"
Daddy, you know the answer to this question. Once again though, I will indulge you. We are not interested in the baby-having just yet. Maybe in the next 2-3 years we will start thinking more about it. We are happy being able to go do our thing, and have the money to do our thing. All that stops when the baby-having starts. Trust me, I wanna be a Mommy, but not until I know I'll be a good one. I'm sure you'll be one of the first to know when it happens though. So I'll let ya know :)

3. My good buddy Freddie asks me to describe my Dream house.
Take a ride with me real quick. Close your eyes.... well scratch that, don't close your eyes, you cant read with your eyes closed. Or maybe you can but your superpowers depress me, as I do not have them, so open your eyes! Ok back to that ride.... Imagine with me... we're riding down a red dirt road in Southeast Texas, trees line the road, we come to a driveway and turn down it, more red dirt... about 2 miles down the driveway we come to a house. This house sits on about 30 acres of beautiful Texas landscape. The house is big, 2 stories, wood siding. Huge wrap around porch lines with furniture for sitting and sippin lemonade and sweet tea on hot summer days. You walk inside and the walls are lined with family pictures. The furniture is all rustic and the décor matches. The living room is huge and spacious with a stone fireplace. The kitchen is next, huge with lots of cabinets. I cant have no one-ass kitchen with no storage space, one thing I wont budge on no matter where we live... I hate... HATE our current kitchen lol. Back to the house... Countertops are white marble. I have a dishwasher, and electric stove, and fridge, and they are all black because for some reason, I love black and white contrast in kitchens... yes, the tile is black and white checker pattern. Next is the Dining room, where there is a big table with lots of chairs. Surprisingly, I haven't put much thought into the dining room, except a big table with lots of chairs. There's a bathroom downstairs but bathrooms don't need description. I imagine the Hubs' Man Cave will be downstairs. That way if anyone goes flying out a window, there is a better chance they wont get dead. Not that that happens a lot, just a 'what if' that I've worked into my dream. Of course he will decorate his man cave, that's not my jurisdiction. Oh and I should mention the floors are all wood, no carpet at all downstairs. We go up the staircase to the first kids room on the right. Not sure the decoration or the color or anything as I don't have kids, and haven't thought that far ahead. There's another bathroom on the left. Down the hall a bit is another kids room. At the end of the hall is our bedroom, the MASTER SUITE!!! I've never had a master suite so this is going to be epic!! We're gonna have a bathroom too, and its gonna have a huge tub and stand alone shower with 2 sinks and a walk in closet big enough to be a room by itself! 

 

 

4. Alicia ask me "Do you have a crush on anyone, and Who?"

First off, Alicia... on top of me getting carded thrice in the past week, you ask me the only question I answered differently every time I was asked when I was a teenager. Now, as not a teenager, I don't really have crushes....on normal people lol. I mean I crush on my Hubby all the time, but I already snatched him up so I'm not sure if that counts. But if we're talking not-so-normal people.... girrrrl get ready!! Jason Aldean, Ryan Gosling, Jason Statham, Norman Reedus, Andrew Lincoln, the fabulous Neil Patrick Harris, Gerard Butler, Seth Macfarlene, Mila Kunis, James Marsters, the guy that plays Dr. Reid on Criminal Minds.... you see this could go on for hours! The only one that I'm ever allowed to have if he comes knocking is Jason Aldean, just like the Hubs can have Olivia Munn if she wants him... we have an agreement :)

 

5. My Mommy and Big Sister Tori ask me "When are coming to visit us?" (or some version of that)

Well guys... I wasn't going to tell you this until I knew for sure if it could and would happen but I really...REEEEAAALLLLY trying to make a road trip west this November. I have to do it at a time when I can take enough time of work to do it, which has to be my birthday and the weekend after it, and maybe that Monday after. Anyways, this road trip would include a night in Reno, then on to SoCal, hopefully a trip to Disneyland, and then the trip back. Tori, I know you live in NorCal... but I don't know we can make the trip up the coast or not.. if I could take more time off work I would, but I should get a vacation week next year so we will see what happens. As I said, I have no idea if this can even become a reality right now. We all know how many trips west I've tried to plan but haven't the funds to do it. Its to the point now that I am on the verge of not meeting 2 of Sam's babies and one of those babies is like 3 already. I miss my family and friends in California, and my Momma and brother in Reno, sooo much, I'm trying to get there I swear. 

 

6. Crisandra asks me "How did you meet your husband and how did you know he was the one?"

I love this question Cris! Any excuse to talk about the way we met!! So funny story, we met in a bar. In Cleveland. Called Buffalo Too. My aunt and I went to this bar all the time, I never found anyone worth keeping around, thankfully of course. I saw Tim as soon as I walked in, he was sitting at the bar by himself. I don't think he really looked at me though, we walked past him to the pool table, and ordered us some drinks. It was a Tuesday night, March 2010, which is weird because we normally didn't go up there on Tuesdays, Thursday was our night. Well after a few games of pool, we went to the corner table behind this couple. We sit down, I start looking for a song to sing because it's karaoke night, and this guy behind me taps me on the shoulder. He introduces himself as Robert and his fiancé Jessica is next to him. He says "Are either of y'all single?" I look at my Aunt and say "Well we both are, but she's a lesbian so good luck with that.." He kinda looks at me weird as if pondering something and then he says "Oh well its not for me, my buddy Tim he's pretty shy and I wanna know if he came and offered to buy ya a beer, would you let him?" I asked him to point him out, and turned to see the guy sitting alone at the bar. I said "Sure". He came over and said "Can I buy you a beer?" I said, "Sure, after I finish this one". It was easy from then on. We had a great time that night. We went our first date the day after. Had our first kiss the day after that. He made me his the day after that. My Aunt told me about a week after that "You're gonna marry that boy, ya know!" And about another week after that, we were sitting at his brother's house, just watching TV. I looked over at him on the couch. I just studied him for a few seconds, and then it hit me. Like a ton of bricks on my heart. It was like there was a GIANT neon arrow over his head blinking and screaming "HE'S RIGHT HERE DUMMY, YOUR SEARCHING IS OVER!!!" Just like that, I knew he would be mine forever and I wouldn't, couldn't have it any other way. 14 months and 2 weeks after that... he made me his wife, and now it's really FOREVER :)

 

 

Well, that's all folks. Thanks for tuning in this time and I hope to see ya back!! I hope the people that had questions got the answers they hoped for. I love y'all, and Good Night!!!

<3

Apocalypse... Now?

Last week was, for lack of a better word, hell. So many things happened, so many lives torn apart in seconds, so many lives lost for no reason at all. The world is crying right now. Cities are broken. If this isn't an apocalypse, I don't know what is. Humans are not capable of love anymore. Traditions that used to matter, don't. There is so much hate in this world, and it's not even reasonable hate, as if there were such a thing. We hate because of the God we choose to believe in. We hate because of the color of skin. We hate because that girl that sits next to you in class is just a little under the 'status quo'. It makes no sense to me anymore. Well, I guess it never made sense to me, I was just ignorant to it. I kept praying that He would open my eyes, and man, He has. My eyes are open in a way that it hurts to look at what they see. Elementary students gunned down in class. Marathon spectators having their limbs blown off. Fertilizer plants leveling half a town. Earthquakes ripping through countries, killing hundreds. Kids ending their own lives because that's easier than going to high school. No, I want to close my eyes. I don't want to see this anymore. I don't want to watch innocent people dying by the hands of monsters and industrial accidents and natural disasters. We find ourselves shaking our fist at the sky and screaming "WHY???" a lot more often these days. We find ourselves holding the hand of a stranger for a moment of silence at the loss of an 8-yr old boy. Martin Richard, taken in the Boston bombings on Monday, 4/15. I saw a picture of him holding a sign, probably at school, and he was smiling, such a bright smile. The sign read "People should stop hurting each other, Peace". He got it. He understood what for some reason others cant.

I've kept quiet this past week, on my Facebook page, to my friends, to the Hubs even, about what has been processing in my brain this week. And now I think I've figured out the jumbled mess. I am scared. I am scared. I AM SCARED! This is happening all around us, and we sit around and think, 'oh it cant happen to us'. Just, the fact of the matter is, it can happen to any of us. West, Texas is a 3 hour drive from my house. Just an hour, give or take, from my family in Eastland and Waxahachie. It could've easily happened to me this past week. Thinking about this makes me feel guilty and grateful at the same time. Guilty that I could be thinking of myself and my family at a time when so many are grieving and reeling from loss. Grateful that I, and my family wasn't involved. It's a torn feeling that I cant say I am a fan of. I'm sure that I am not the only one that feels this way. We just keep telling ourselves that it'll stop, people will realize how stupid the hate is, and all the beauty pageant contestants will one day really get their wish for world peace. I know I wake up every day reassuring myself that God has His gentle hand on my shoulder, and He's guiding me through the darkness. That's how I get out of bed in the morning.

I know this has kinda been a jumbled mess and it probably makes no sense as you're reading it. That's normally how it comes at me while I'm thinking it. I don't know what else I can say about this. My mind and emotions are exhausted from that crazy week. Tonight, I send up a prayer and I hope you'll join me. I've never done this before, and I'm not normally one to push my religion on other people, but I feel like this is what the world needs right now. Maybe my voice wont make a difference, but on the other hand, maybe it will.

Please take a moment of silence.

Heavenly Father, I come to you right now, broken. This craziness... well it's crazy. I don't know what to think of it, and I pray that you guide me through this craziness. I pray you lay your hand upon the families in Boston who bury their lost and visit their injured in hospitals. I pray you guide the prosecutors to Your will. Please, cover the town of West with your love and show them they will overcome. Lord, I pray your new Angels are getting acquainted and are basking in your everlasting light. Lord, I pray you lay your hands on the world, heal us Lord, show us Your will, show us Your light. I pray in Jesus' name. Amen.

Don't forget guys, hug your loved ones tight, tell them I LOVE YOU every chance you get, and don't take the little things for granted. Good night folks, much love <3

Binging...is it a problem? I say NO!

This blog writing stuff is pretty hard. I'm just saying. It takes a lot out of my brain to sit and think of something interesting that you Jokers would enjoy reading. The problem is that I just dont think I'm very interesting. I mean, apparently I am because a good handful of you awesome amazing people have continued to tune in whenever I write one, and believe me that I am sooo greatful that you do. It's a good feeling knowing some people like to check in and see what I have to say. So I just want to give a quick shout out to you my dears and a huge THANKS a bunch and I LOVE the heck outta ya! **big hugs, cheers, and rum all 'round**
 So now that I've gotten all the mushy junk outta the way, on to the actual topic of today's nonsense... binging. It's an epidemic I tell you, and thanks to the interewebs has gotten worse! I bring this topic to your attention because I myself, am a binger. My friends, I admit to you, that I have an addiction....

I'd guess the root of my addiction goes back to 2002 when I moved in with my Mom after a few years with my Dad. Divorce kid here, it blew... anywho... all of my sisters watched "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and I had never really watched it before. They got me hooked on it, and to this day Buffy remains my favorite TV show of all time. I picked it up in like the 2nd to last season, so had missed a whole lot of pertinent information. Since the interwebs were not nearly as advanced then as they are now, I had to slowly but surely acquire all 7 seasons of the amazingness of Joss Whedon's imagination on DVD. I binged, for hours, for days, who knows how long really... watching every episode of that entire series, and would do it again in a heartbeat because that show is just that great lol. I lost hours, getting lost in this TV show, and have noticed that I have done it recently as well. It's back, my addiction to TVSB... Television Show Binging.

 I am currently addicted to 3 TV shows that have me on Hulu or Netflix almost every day of the week. I am also interested in starting other shows, which I have to start from season 1 becuase I cant miss anything. I've previously binged on Grey's Anatomy a few seasons ago. I caught up to where it was on TV, and then they killed Lexi and Mark, my two favortie characters, so I quit watching. Oh sorry if I just gave anything away for you other bingers, I guess I should've said Spoiler Alert. Recently I got re-interested in the happenings at Seattle Grace-Mercy West and needed to catch up. I created a HuluPlus account for this reason alone. One day a few weekends ago, I watched every episode from the episode where Lexi dies until where they are now. And I'm super glad that I did because the show has gotten more awesomer... is that a word? Awesomer.... I dunno but I'm gonna use it anyways. I've caught myself using Hulu even to watch new episodes mainly because Grey's and my other addiction, Nashville, aren't shows Hubs likes to watch, so I just wait an extra day and catch up then.

 Nashville I had watched about 20 minutes of the pilot when it first started. I decided I didnt like it because it was about country music... and I didnt want to pervert my fantasy about what it's like to be a country singer, which has been a dream of mine since I was 4 years old. Anyways, after a day of binging on Grey's, I had run out of episodes but hadn't gotten my fix of TV shows. I was browsing Hulu and decided I'd give Nashville another try. I watched the whole pilot this time, and found myself clicking to the start the 2nd episode as soon as the first was over... I had found a new TV show to binge on. It hasnt been on nearly as long as Grey's and only has 16 episodes so far, but that kept me busy for a whole week after I got off work. Are you beginning to see how binging could cut in on life-time? People, myself included, are losing valuable hours binging on TV shows. Are we just that lazy, or are the TV shows just that good that we cant stop tuning in? Not that I'm complaing of course, as a person with this addiction myself, I am perfectly happy in my cozy binging bubble.

The Walking Dead is one TV show that we watch every single marathon of. Even if we have to sit through the commercials. Hubs is just as crazy about this show as me, so it's something we can do together :) We have seen season one 4 times, season two 3 times, and season three (with the exception of the finale episode) twice... and it's just as good every time. I go into withdrawls every time the show takes a hiatus... which is like 6 months long!!! WHYYYY do they do this to US!!!!!!!! Big jerks. This time is going to be especially bad because I'll be asking myself (spoiler alert) WHERE THE HELL DID THE GOVENOR GO? until freaking October! This was definitely a season where predictions for the next season would be fruitless... I think I'll be suprised no matter what happens. As a person who also binged on the graphic novel of The Walking Dead, I know the show hasn't really followed the book at all. I love both versions, and the only way I'd quit watching The Walking Dead is if they killed off Daryl, Maggie, or Glen... then I'd be pissed and would riot until they were resurrected... it's Hollywood, they can do it.

 In the near future I see myself binging on at least 3 more TV shows thanks to Hulu, and it may even be more because as I've been sitting here typing this, I have thought of 2 or 3 more that I'd like to be immersed in. These include: Sparticus, True Blood, Weeds, How I Met Your Mother, and I'm thinking I'd like to check out Buffy again, even though it will just leave me wishing for Joss Whedon to resurrect the show. My DVD set is in Nevada with my Momma so Hulu will have to do for that as well.

Before you think that all I do is binge on TV shows, let me assure you that I also binge on books. I am a helluva reader and have lost many hours to my own imagination and words on a page also. If the book is good enough I can finish it in a day. My sister Sam could read an entire book in one bath, granted she'd be pruned up by the time she got out, she still finished the book. Maybe she rubbed off on me a little bit. Which books I've binged on is a list entirely too long for this blog but it could end up as a topic in the future.

If you have a suggestion for something I should binge on... TV show, movie, music, or book related (keep it clean pervs :P)... just hit me up with a comment and I'll be sure to check it out.

Now for a bit of shameless plugging.... if you are on Facebook, which I'm sure you are since you are reading this and most likely connected to it through Facebook, you should check out my Jesse's page, HEY FREDDIE!... I also make an appearance on there as well since she was awesome enough to make me an admin. She also has a blog that you should check out too...

Hey Freddie: The Facebook Page
Hey Freddie: The Blog

Well, thats all folks... next week, maybe I will compare 1984's Red Dawn to 2012's Red Dawn... and how Patrick Swayze was a better teenage-militia leader than Chris Hemsworth.... maybe, just maybe...

Later, Lovelies <3

Ohana means Family

I've been trying to write a blog for days now.  The topics flying around in my head are endless. The topic that keeps popping into my head the most is this whole marriage equality stuff going on in the media and politics. I've literally written a blog on this topic almost all the way through, then erased it... every word. I asked my Jesse about it and of course she gave me amazing advice because she always does. If it doesn't feel right to me then I shouldn't do it. Well, it didn't feel right to me, so I'm not doing it. Most people already know my stance on the subject and I don't feel that elaborating on them will make a difference either way. So instead of writing about marriage equality, I've chosen to write about my brothers and sisters. Yep, my brothers and sisters. I have 2 brothers and 4 sisters, all ranging from ages(and forgive me if I'm wrong...I suck at remembering ages) 5 to 33. Before you ask, no we are not all from the same mother. My 3 older sisters are technically step sisters, but we dropped the step a long time ago. My younger sister has a different mother as I've mentioned before. My older brother has a different father. My younger brother is the only one of my siblings that I share a mother AND a father with. So I'm gonna start at the top..

Victoria.... except she'd murder me if I ever called her Victoria to her face. I didnt meet Tori until the wedding of our parents I believe. Quite honestly, it was so long ago that I don't really remember how it went. And there is such an age-gap between the two of us that she was already gone and out of the house before I moved in. I remember she came back after I moved there and her bedroom was next to mine. I was in the 11th grade and I hated waking up in the morning for school. I had my HUGE stereo set to go off at 5am and it gradually got louder and louder and louder and LOUDER until my lazy ass would get up to turn it off. Well I didn't know Tori suffered from insomnia and couldn't sleep until 5 or 6 in the morning, so chances were she was just falling asleep as I was waking up. Well when my alarm would go off and it would get louder, it would make her pretty darn mad... and I usually started my day getting yelled at by my older sister. Now I live in Texas and she in California, which is the problem with all my siblings... they are all far away, except Cheyenne but only cause she is 5. Below is a picture of Tori, her husband David, whom I have not met, and my nephew Monkey(Randy)...

 

Next is my Bobo, Chris... my older brother that I think loves me but I can never be too sure. He lives in Colorado and has for as long as I can remember. I've moved around quite a bit and he has stayed pretty stationary. California and Colorado seem to be his favorite. He once hit my younger brother Nick in the head with a 2-sided pick ax... yeah it happened. Chris got his height from his father's side of the family... who was only about an inch taller than Vern Troyer. So I outgrew Chris when I was about 6 or 7, he is 3 years older than me. Back to the pick ax story... and please remember I'm trying to remember after years of sleep and the use of other memory-forgetting-assistors... We were building a tee pee, yep a tee pee, out of bamboo I think. In a field behind Johnny and Jesse's (twins down the street whom I just LOVED) house. Chris was doing something with this pick ax and the reason I bring up his height is because he could barely life it above his head. Nick was fiddling around with something under Chris' feet and down came the ax... which hit Nick right between the eyes. Literally, right. between. the. eyes. I was inside the tee pee with either Johnny or Jesse, I cant tell them apart anymore because they look the same in my memory. All I hear is a blood-curdling scream. I run out to find Chris running in the direction of the house, and Nick screaming walking slowly toward the house. I'm screaming at him "what's wrong"... Nick turns around and all I see is red streaming down the middle of his face. Chris was pretty upset but Nick thought it was awesome the doctors could see his skull when he scrunched up his nose. This is Chris and I about a month after I was brought into this world back in 1986... weren't we just so cute??

 



Next up, my sister Nicholl. We call her Nikki, and always have... which is one of the reasons Nick decided we could call him Nicky anymore. The first real memory I can recall about Nikki is she used to babysit us. She was still in high school when we met and I thought she was awesome! At one point she drove a Red Lebaron convertible that I just thought was the bees knees to ride with her in. For some reason we didn't get along for awhile, but a part of me knew I could always call on her if I needed advice. I texted her back when I was doing something that wasn't that good for me, and she texted back. That was enough for me. She cared enough to text back. She has 2 kids now, Carly and Lucas. She also lives in Colorado, so I don't see her much. All of my old pictures of me and Nikki were on my old Myspace page... and I deleted my Myspace page. So here is a picture of Nikki, Tori, and Sammi at Sam's college graduation...

 

As promised, Samantha... is the one right above me in age and the one I looked up to the most my Junior year of high school. She worked at Jack in the Box and I had a crush on her friend Gavin. She taught me, or showed me rather, how you play Hide and go Seek in a car... no not in a car sitting still. You have to have another car load of people and cell phones.. then you call or text with hints as to where you are. In Hemet, where everything goes in a circle and all the roads connect to another road that will take you back to that road... it works and you don't get lost. There were many times we tried getting lost in Hemet, I swear it's not possible. My favorite memory is when it was time for Samantha to get her first car, like hers not a hand-me-down. My Mom, Sam, and I took a trip to the car dealer and she found HER car. It was a Hyundai Sonata and she fell completely in love with it. Of course we had to wait for dad (my step dad) to come thru and do his thing. She told the car salesman "I will sleep on the hood of this car if I have to". She got her car, without having to sleep on the hood of course. That was awesome. She also took me to prom with her and her friends. I got to ride in the limo with them there, but wasn't allowed to stay in the hotel with them afterwards. Unfortunately, on the drive home from prom the next morning, a stupid lady making an illegal left turn caused the demise of the Sonata. She still lives in California with her husband Kyle and two kiddos. Below is a pic of my niece and nephew, Abbi and JD...

 

 

 

I talked about him once, but now its time for Nick. Nick is the baby, or was the baby until about 6 years ago. We share both a mother and a father and you can tell because we are soo much alike and are at each other's throats whenever we're within 10 miles of each other. He lives in Nevada with my Mom. We haven't spoken in about 6 months, but I think he knows I love him. I have a favorite memory of him too and it didn't happen until we were older. I had gotten out of the Army and made the hugest mistake of my life and moved to Wisconsin. My dad bailed me out and I moved to Arizona where they were living, and Nick was living too. He was dating some girl, and of course I don't remember her name but they were living on their own or with her parents or something like that. This was the first time Nick and I had seen each other most likely since my high school graduation in 2004 and the time I'm talking about now is probably 2008 after I got out of the Army, so about 4 years. Nick asked me to buy alcohol so we could party. I bought him Jose Cuervo because that it what he requested and Jack Daniels. We each took exactly 1, UNO, ONE shot... and immediately dashed to the nearest window or toilet to excrete the disgustingness that was Jose Cuervo. We both pretty much passed out after that. We couldn't make fun of each other because we both couldn't hang... so we had a good laugh together. We've had many other fun times, seeing as growing up we were each other's best friend. The pic below is me and my two brothers. I'm not sure how old any of us are... young and bright-eyed for sure

 

 

The youngest of our brood was added about 6 years ago. Cheyenne Autumn was the result of my father's third marriage, and undoubtedly the best thing that came out of it. I didn't meet her until she was already about 8 or 9 months old, and she had me wrapped around her little piggies within minutes of picking her up. About 3 months after moving in with dad and she-who-shall-be-called-skanky, Cheyenne wasnt feeling to hot. I lied on the floor and she laid on my stomach with her head on my chest for an hour. You know 1yr olds, they don't stay still. But she just laid there. Another time she melted my heart was when she got sick and ended up in the emergency room. I rushed from my job in Conroe to the ER in Kingwood and as soon as she saw me arrive, I was all she wanted. She laid with me for an hour watching SpongeBob while eating a popsicle. She used to call me Isha because funny enough Felicia is too difficult for a child just learning to speak to pronounce. Now she will be 6 in 2 weeks and I have no idea where the time has gone. She is in kindergarten and she is so smart. And we look so much alike you'd think she was my daughter but she is DEFINITELY not! Trust me I wish I could claim her, but I am WAY to young to have a 6yr old. Below is a recent shot of us...

 





 

 

So you now you know a little more about my sibs and hopefully they wont be too upset with me for using some pics without their permission, lol. Each of them has taught me something different and each I look up to in a different way, even little Chey. I like to believe that they helped shape the person I am today and their guidance has proven fruitful time and time again. If ya'll happen to be reading this, I love you and you dont know how much I wish Texas was closer to California, Colorado, and Nevada...

 

Hope you enjoyed my story that took me literally days to write.... see ya on tha flip side homies :)

Tagged, I'm IT!

My AMAZING bestest friend in the whole wide infinity Jesse Lea tagged me in this blogging chain blog thingy so I am now obligated to oblige her and you with answers to bagillion (or only 25) questions about Me, Myself, and that one girl... oh yeah, I. So if you care to know more about this chick behind the blog, stay tuned and keep on reading my friends... if you don't care, now would be a good time to click the X on your little tab up top :)

Who Are You?
Just a Small Town Kid folks!

1. Where were you born?
I was born in Lawton, Oklahoma at 2:33 in the afternoon at Comanche County Memorial Hospital... I don't know why but I kinda memorized by birth certificate when I was younger... I don't know why exactly, I guess I thought it would be useful one day... and lookie here it's kinda useful.

2. Were you named after someone?
My first name came from a soap opera you all might remember, General Hospital. There was a nurse named Felicia on there. If I remember the story right, my parents wanted to name me Alicia. However my Mema had other plans and suggested Felicia instead. So thank you Mema for branding me with a name associated with a crack head in a pot movie. My middle name (Marie) came from my awesome (Woman of the Year) Aunt Marie. I'm glad I have her name and I'm pretty positive whenever I have a daughter, I will pass it on to her.

3. How many children do you have?
0

4. How many pets do you have?
We have two awesome doggies! Dozer is the Hubs' pit bull that he had before we met. He is old and wise and an awesome dog. After my miscarriage last year, I wanted a puppy, so I got Copper. He is not even a year old yet and he is a pitoxer (pit bull/boxer mix)... he is by far the stupidest dog I've ever met lol. But I love him to death! He is getting so big and thinks he can still lay in my lap. The other day he ate a squirrel, yep a squirrel. I gave him a rib bone last night and he swallowed it... whole. He loves garbage and doesn't quite understand the words NO and GET DOWN. He's still a puppy so I understand and am sometimes patient with him... but we call him Stupid, that's short for Copper :)

5. Your worst injury?
I cut my finger once. Well, not my finger, my thumb. No, I wasn't doing anything awesome or extraordinary when it happened, just the dishes... I didn't notice a crack and when I stuck my hand in the glass, it broke. I had to get 5 STICHES!! It was horrible y'all... I'm telling you, that shit ain't nothing to play with. Can you really believe that is my worst injury?? Well it is, I don't like getting hurt lol, so I try not to.

6. Do you have a special talent?
I have talents, but I wouldn't call them special. Most of them I cant list here because they are just too much information for my readers to have to endure. Some people tell me I can carry a tune... but that's not really special anymore considering Justin Beiber is famous for it. I'm really good at remembering random shit. Just ask Hubs, he says I'm just full of completely useless information, and he's right... mostly.

7. Favorite thing to bake?
Brownies! But not from scratch or anything... who do you think I am, Betty Crocker??? Absolutly not, but I LOVE her brownies, they are awesome!

8. Favorite fast food?
Subway! Abso-friggin-lutely!

9. Would you bungee jump?
Oh sure, I'd act like I had the balls of King Kong all the way up to ledge, key word being ACT. As soon as I realized that I was on top of a real high building, let the tears flow baby! And then you would see a 26 year old woman crying and pissing her pants in front of everybody. No rubber band jumping for this girl, no friggin way... I mean, sure I'll do it!

10.  What's the first thing you notice about people?
Smiles. I love people that smile because it means they are happy. If someone comes up to me frowning and scowling, it cramps my style a little. I like smiles, especially the smiles of babes... kids guys lol

11. When is the last time you cried?
Last time Aunt Flo stopped by. That bitch always gets me emotional as all get out... I pretty much cry all week long, there is no stopping this, and it's annoying. -_-

12. Any current worries?
Hakuna Matata, baby! (ps... it means no worries)

13. Name 3 drinks you drink regularly...
Water, Coke Zero, and lately White Chocolate cappuccinos... which I know I shouldn't be drinking due to the diet, but those are almost as hard to quit as smoking cigarettes, I tell ya what!

14. What's your favorite book?
Holy crap! I cannot even begin.... well I guess I can begin but I wont finish just to save time... The Hunger Games trilogy, 50 Shades of Grey trilogy, If I Stay, Harry Potter seven-ogy, Twilight quad-ogy....

15. Would you like to be a pirate?
I am a pirate bitches! Best recognize!

16. Favorite smells?
Hubs after a shower and this body spray stuff Japanease Cherry Blossom

17. Why do you blog?
I have a story to tell and a voice to be heard, plain and simple. Hope you like it so far :)

18. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Morbid much? Umm, of course I haven't put any thought into this question because funny enough, I try NOT to think much on my death... but if I had to choose right this second................. Kiss my Country Ass by Blake Shelton :)

19. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
I have a pretty bad attitude problem. It could probably be fixed with a good adjustment.... but my parents tried the whole attitude adjustment crap and obviously it didn't work considering I still have one heck of an attitude... but at least I'm a happy bitch :)

20. Favorite Hobby?
Anything that involves mud. Scavenger hunts in Wal-Mart. Hanging with my Amazing friends and Awesome Hubs!

21. Name something you've done that you never thought you would do.
If I'm being honest, which I am cause I always am, meeting such an awesome guy and actually becoming his wife... true love and marriage seemed like such a fairytale not to long ago... who would of thunk it, my fairytale came true!

22. What do you look for in a friend?
Amazing Awesomeness! Luckily all my best pals are equipped with this trait :)

23. Favorite fun things to do?
Jumping a junk car into a junk boat in the middle of a small pond... yes, this happened... and it was EPIC!

24. Pet peeves?
Gun control and stupid people... mix those two and watch me go NUTS!

25. What's the last thing that made you laugh?
A hilarious text message from my Jesse... I texted something dirty not meaning to be dirty at all, but of course her mind took it there because she's a dirty whore (in a good way of course) but it was classic and I laughed my head off!

Well, that's all my friends! You now know more about me and can probably draw your final conclusions on who is writing this crazy thing! But don't judge to fast because there are many different aspects to me and the person I am. We are all works in progress, people. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed and got a few good chuckles... hug the ones you love and tell them over and over how much you love them, you never know when its gonna be the last time you can tell them

<3